As the Johnny Cash song goes, love is a burning thing.
(And it’s been known to make a fiery ring on more than one occasion… GAAAAAH I’m so sorry, couldn’t resist. FILTH.)
Love, in the romantic sense, has always been my northern star:
My medicine in equal measures.
In all honesty, one of the main reasons I became a Love Coach was that I knew I’d met the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with…
… and I was afraid I’d somehow fuck it up, like I have done 80 % of my previous relationships.
I believed that being a Love Coach would make me accountable:
I’d not only stand to lose my relationship if I cheated or betrayed my beloved Joe, I’d probably lose my career, too.
And, I was right - this accountability has certainly helped me not fuck up amidst a couple of relatively close calls in the earlier stages of our story.
But, throughout the course of our (nearly) 4 year relationship, love has evolved in to something more for me.
They say that when you have children, life is no longer just about you.
And (not to sound like a nob or anything), this year I’ve realised that this is exactly how I feel about my work as a Love Coach.
Recently, a member from my ‘Get Your Soulmate’ Digital love-coaching program sent me this:
“I came into GYS after 4 years of being single. Prior to this I’d had one relationship that I thought was the only one I wanted, and when it ended my world fell apart. I fled to the other side of the world and used the bodies of a lot of unsuitable men to help me feel worthy. I liked the power that casual sex gave me and when I got back from travelling I thought I could carry this on. But, we all know that doesn’t end well.
So I was using dating apps and going out with guys who didn’t want me, they just wanted to have sex with me which I tried to kid myself I was fine with, when really I was craving connection. I kept hanging on to men who I knew didn’t want me, I think because I wasn’t really ready to be wanted. I chose men who wouldn’t ever commit to me, because I was scared of commitment.
I came to GYS sick of this cycle and ready to do the work that would let me be at peace until I found my partner. It wasn’t even about finding ‘the one’, I truly just wanted to realise that I was enough.
So, I did the work and I waited. Somewhat impatiently, but I waited (during which time ALL my friends were married/ living with/ got kids with their partners and it really upset me, until I found that switching my view of it really helped. So, instead of being like ‘OMG I’m so jealous of what they have’, I changed it to ‘I’m so excited for what I have to come’, and if people asked if I was seeing anyone I’d answer along the lines of ‘I will be when I find someone who deserves me!’ – which helped change my mindset on it, too.
And then along came J (via Bumble - I’d deleted it to do the work on myself, but I work only with women and don’t have many male friends, so once I felt secure enough in myself and my boundaries, I introduced dating apps again and it felt fine!)
5 months later and we’ve literally just made it official. 5 months would’ve felt like an eternity to the old me, the one that thought she was desperate to feel loved and find a man. But, to the me that’s done the work it felt natural and right to wait that long. I’ve learned that it cannot be rushed – and, with the right person, slow feels so amazing. Because you’re not rushing to secure an infatuation, you can enjoy the sensation of this beautiful growing mutual love between you.
It’s no coincidence that on the same night we made it official we said ‘I love you’ because we’re both on the same page now.
He is everything I asked for and everything I thought I didn’t deserve. He is kind, funny, sensitive, protective, empowering and hot as hell! We can talk about a future that before would’ve terrified me. Now it only excites me, because I know it’s attainable and I feel like I do deserve it.
It’s taken a lot to learn to let go of my negativity and self-doubt around relationships, but once I started to value myself I found a man who valued me too. The universe rewarded my hard work and I am so thankful for everything that brought me to Persia and her wonderful GYS group.
I’m on cloud 9 and I couldn’t be happier. Thank you GYS for allowing me to be the best person I can be and meet the best person I could hope to meet.”
To say that I resonate with this story would be the understatement of the century.
In fact, I see my own love story in every single one of the women I’ve worked with - regardless of whether they’re currently single or not, because our love story with ourselves is the most important one we’ll ever tell.
There are no words to describe the joy I get from receiving little love notes like this from women who’ve been burned by romance in similar ways to myself…
… And then who’ve bravely committed to the tools & guidance I offer them in order to get to the other side of that pain, where an exquisite new love story is waiting to be told by them.
And I truly hope that I’ll one day get to read yours, too.
NOW I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU:
Are you happy with your love story so far (both the one with yourself and your romantic one?)
If not, what’s one action you could take today to step in to the love story that you want to tell?
Let me know below <3
All my love,