You don’t need me to tell you that the human race is in a dangerously vulnerable place right now.
It’s my belief that we’re mainly here due to the global fetishization of what I call a ‘McDonald’s culture’: we’ve become so accustomed to getting our desires and whims met instantly (hello junk food, online shopping and digital porn on command) that we’ve forgotten that in most cases good things take time.
Nowhere does this seem to be more overlooked than when it comes to our love lives.
Not only do we treat potential suitors as though they’re commodities for sale (swiping left or right for HUMAN BEINGS… seriously?!), we expect these often superficial and transactional dynamics to somehow make us feel deeply, deliriously happy – and fast.
Rather than biding our time and waiting for someone we’re actually compatible with, we settle for relationships that feel easy and pleasurable in the moment, but don’t have the qualities required to be healthy and sustainable in the long-run (this just about sums up every fling I’ve ever had with a Bad Boy).
But, if you want to experience real love, there’s no getting around the fact that it demands patience, commitment and the ability to be present with yourself and another person.
Achieving this in my own love life (one day at a time) has been nothing short of miraculous, and there’s nothing that I’m proud of more than the relationship Joe and I have built together over the last four years.
It’s beautifully fitting that in the same week I shared our love story with my community via my newsletter, Joe got down on one knee in the bluebell-speckled woods surrounding his parent’s home (where we plan to marry in 2020), and asked me to be his wife.
It’s a testament to the work I’ve done on myself in the last decade that this question didn’t trigger all my fears around commitment, like it would have done once upon a time.
It was the easiest ‘yes’ of my life.
I’m often asked in interviews what romantic advice I’d give to my messy, muddled former self – the one who lived in relentless fear that she’d never get to experience the real love she so desperately longed for.
I would simply ask her the following question – and I urge you to answer it for yourself, too:
If you knew with absolute certainty that in a year’s time, you’d be in the healthiest, happiest relationship of your life – one where you feel totally accepted for who you are, one where you’re able to trust and communicate with each other and move quickly towards a solution in times of conflict because you both feel safe, respected and heard – how would you live your life between now and then?
Would you wish away your last year as a single woman by obsessing over and trying to control your romantic journey?
Would you cause yourself unnecessary suffering by comparing your romantic status to strangers on Instagram?
Would you hook up with your emotionally unavailable, abusive Ex to temporarily relieve the loneliness?
Or, would you dedicate the next year of your life to becoming the healthiest, happiest version of yourself, so that your future lover will get to experience the very best of you right from the get-go?
Would you take responsibility and dive in to the healing work you need to do, so as not to project all your past baggage on to this person that you love?
And would you surrender to the bonkers festival that is your life, safe in the knowledge that love is coming for you – via a love story far better than anything you could ever hope to conjure up yourself.
So, why not just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride?
I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU:
How different would your life be if you truly committed to being happy in your single life, rather than comparing yourself to others or wishing the time away?
And, are you willing to do what it takes to become a person capable of attracting & sustaining the happy, healthy relationship you deserve?
If so, what action are you going to commit to taking to help you do so?
So much love,