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I’ve just moved out of the home I’ve shared with my boyfriend for the last year.
Until we go travelling next month, we’re technically homeless – save for the generous friends and family who’ve offered us beds and sofas for the times I have to be in London for work (for which I’m incredibly grateful and blessed – I know many don’t have this luxury).
Quite unexpectedly, this transition period has brought with it a rollercoaster of uncomfortable emotions.
Our homes are our havens after all, and when you don’t have your own base in which to rest and recharge, you can feel extremely exposed and vulnerable.
And it makes trying to sustain a happy, healthy relationship a shit ton harder.
This house move has unfortunately coincided with a horrific bout of PMS, meaning I’m more emotional, anxious and unreasonable than ever.
I’m feeling very lost as I write this, if I’m honest.
Though I know I’ll likely be fine in a few days, what this intensity has revealed is just how important the concept of home is to me.
I’ve struggled to try and capture this in prose, so as always I’ve turned to trusty old verse form to explore it instead.
Hope it resonates in some way.
A Home is not made up of bricks and mortar;
It is made up of the people and energy inside It.
It isn’t what you keep out,
It’s who you choose to welcome in;
Not a fortress, but a sanctuary.
I’ve battled with Home over the years:
It’s been a space to hide, to cry, to lie,
To surrender all the fears that plagued my mind.
It’s been the last place on earth
I would’ve turned
But you live and learn
That your last is another’s first
(And It could’ve been so much worse.)
It struck me today
That you are now my home.
I have no other key,
No back up plan or safety net
Should I shut out you, or you shut out me.
There is only us and what we’ve built together
Between the walls of our two souls.
I hope it’s enough.
I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU:
What does ‘Home’ mean to you?
Have you ever struggled with the transition between different homes? Why – what did each of these spaces represent for you?
Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments :)
All my love,