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If you want to get a boyfriend, you have to follow your dinosaurs.
Let me explain.
I was at a festival called ‘Wilderness’ in Oxfordshire back in 2015 when I met the love of my life.
Our eyes locked in a secret rave in a wooded valley, as bejewelled acrobatic mermaids did somersaults above our heads and glitter-speckled revellers shimmied and swayed beside us.
Without a word being spoken, the two of us fell (quite literally) in to a passionate kiss.
Now, whilst it was certainly a good first kiss, I didn’t think it would ever evolve into anything more than just a bit of a drunken smooch at a festival.
However, fate - it turned out - had other plans.
The next evening, we randomly bumped into each other again in one of the bars, which swiftly turned into the most fun, romantic and spontaneous night of my entire life.
We ran around the festival like naughty schoolchildren, allowing ourselves to be naturally and organically carried from one dance tent and experience to the next.
Several hours into hanging out, we found ourselves sat by a campfire with all manner of weird and wonderful characters.
When he saw the dinosaur necklace I was wearing, he went on to tell me how Jurassic Park was his favourite film of all time, and that he’d written his dissertation at music college on the theme tune.
“Uh, that’s the music I’m going to have playing as I walk down the aisle at my wedding…” I told him (rather brazenly).
On the last night of the festival, Joey Wilderness (the name he’d put into my phone) and I were wandering past one of the stages, which happened to have a full orchestra playing scores from famous films on it.
After about ten minutes or so, we hear the familiar opening notes of…The Jurassic Park theme tune (!) as pictures and scenes from the film are projected on to a huge screen behind the orchestra.
We look at each other in complete shock, and though it’s too early in our courtship to say it out loud, we know there’s something significant in this.
The next day, as we’re packing up to leave the festival, Joey Wilderness asks if I’d like to come back to his cousins’ house for some food and a shower, as it’s only twenty minutes drive from the festival.
When we arrive, his cousin asks if we’d like to stay for the whole afternoon… to watch Jurassic World.
Obviously, we say yes.
For the following two weeks, we spend a lot of time together (he’ll be jetting off to Bali for a few months at the end of that time, and we want to have as much fun as possible getting to know each other before he goes).
A week to the day after our first kiss at the festival, Joey Wilderness and I go out to dinner, and as we get in the lift to leave the restaurant, who should get in the lift with us but… SAM NEILL – the lead actor from Jurassic Park.
Again, Joey Wilderness and I look at each other in shock; that’s one hell of a lot of dinosaur-related coincidences within the same week.
The day he returns from Bali, he tells me he’s fallen in love with me and asks me to be his girlfriend – to which I, of course, respond “yes!”
Two years on, I’ve now been living with Joey Wilderness for eight months and we’re currently making plans to go travelling around the world together later this year.
Below are the five things I did to prepare myself and attract in the happiest, healthiest relationship I’ve ever had – try putting them in to practice for yourself and just watch your romantic life transform significantly.
1) Examine Your Patterns
In ‘The Inner Fix’ – the self-help book I co-wrote with my friend Joanne Bradford – I share how my parents were active drug addicts until I was about sixteen.
Whilst I was so grateful when they both got sober, I’d spent the majority of my life constantly surrounded by drama and chaos, so when that suddenly disappeared I went looking for it in my love life instead.
I was so terrified of being hurt like I had been growing up that I’d sabotage any chance of a happy relationship – either by cheating on the nice boyfriends I had, or going out with dysfunctional ‘bad boys’ so that I’d never have to risk real intimacy or commitment – and this pattern continued well in to my twenties.
Before I met Joey Wilderness, I’d spent a good deal of time looking at my past patterns in relationships with a coach and mentor.
All of us have baggage and unhelpful patterns from our past that need clearing before we’re emotionally able to attract and sustain a healthy relationship.
Take out a pen and a paper and get really honest with yourself by answering the following questions:
What types of lovers have I been attracted to (and attracted) in the past? Why?
What mistakes have I made again and again in past relationships? Why?
Why did each relationship end?
You can’t move forward in love until you’re first clear about what’s been holding you back.
2) Know Your Core Values
Having done the above exercise, I knew what hadn’t worked for me in the past, which helped me to understand what type of relationship I wanted in the future.
I believe that you get what you ask for in life, so if you want a great relationship, do what I did – ask for it!
Write down how you would like your ideal relationship to FEEL – for example: secure, exciting, passionate etc.
Next, write down a list of all the inner qualities you’d love your future partner to have, putting a star next to any that are non-negotiable e.g. kind, loving, supportive etc.
This serves as a benchmark for your love life going forwards: if the person you’re on a date with doesn’t possess any of your non-negotiable values or qualities (and the date doesn’t feel the way you want your ideal relationship to feel), this might not be the right person for you.
However, don’t lose heart because trust me – there are plenty of others out there who will be!
3) Keep It In The Date
Before I met Joey Wilderness, I’d spent a lot of my love life ‘end-gaming’ whenever I was on a date: I was totally focused on whether or not this person was my ‘one’.
When you’re actually on a date, the only things you need to be asking yourself are:
Do I like who I am around this person? Do I feel like MYSELF – or am I ‘performing’ in some way?
Am I enjoying myself on this date? Is conversation flowing easily and effortlessly?
At the festival, I didn’t worry about whether this was ‘the one’ or not – I just stayed present in the moment and enjoyed the experience for what it was – which took a massive amount of pressure off of both of us. In time (well, very quickly!) it became clear that we were really compatible, so the relationship formed organically without any manipulating or pushing on my part.
4) Be Clear About What You Want
Before I met Joey Wilderness, I was very clear that I wasn’t willing to commit to a new relationship unless we both felt like this was ‘it’- and that we wanted the same things for our future (e.g. marriage and kids further down the line).
At the festival, when he asked me what my dating situation was, I told him the above, and that I was also not interested in sleeping with someone new unless we were dating exclusively.
Whilst it can be scary to be so direct, as I experienced with Joey, it’s likely you’ll be far more attractive to a partner if you value and respect yourself enough to be honest about what you truly want.
You’ll also save yourself a whole lot of time and heartbreak, because the ones that are just not that in to you (or are not ready to give you what you want) will back off, and the ones that are will step up and make it clear they want to be with you.
5) Follow The Signs
I believe we all have access to our own internal guidance system that intuitively knows what’s for our highest good. You know that feeling you get ‘in your gut’ about something (it can be a good or a bad feeling!) – that’s intuition trying to connect with you and provide you with crucial information.
In ‘The Inner Fix’ we assert that ‘if you focus on the insides, the outsides will take care of themselves;’ instead of obsessing over dating and relationships, prioritise your relationship and connection with yourself (you can head sign up for my free meditation via the top bar of this website to help you to do this).
As your internal connection begins to grow and evolve, you’ll likely find you start to experience a lot of synchronicity and coincidences, because our external life is always a mirror of our internal one.
I’ve always been obsessed with dinosaurs, and before I met Joey at the festival, I’d started to see pictures and images of them all over the place. I took this as a sign that I was in flow and moving in the right direction, which was then confirmed when we saw an extraordinary amount of dinosaurs in our first few weeks of dating.
It may sound a bit ‘out there,’ but try thinking of a ‘sign’ for yourself (whatever just came to mind – that’s the one for you) and then keep an eye out for it in your day to day life.
This will give you a little nudge that you’re on the right path. Who knows, it may well end up leading you towards your own soulmate!
I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU:
Which of these 5 steps seems most significant and relevant to you at the moment?
What action step can you take right now to move you that little bit closer to attracting the relationship you’ve always wanted?
Let me know in the comments below <3
P.S. If you want support in getting the love life you desire (and deserve), book a complimentary coaching call with me by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org - I’d love to get to know you :)