One of my Get Your Soulmate Digital love-coaching program graduates messaged me a few days ago about how to navigate the first month after an awful break-up.
I thought my responses may come in handy to you or a friend one day…
Re-bound sex with the back-up boy.
Any contact with your ex whatsoever, including: texting, calling, following/ stalking him on social media, meet-ups/ break-up bonks. Going ‘no contact’ will feel like you’re a crack-head going cold turkey, the withdrawal will be that god-awful. But your short-term pain will give you unimaginable long-term gain. I’d bet my life on this.
ASOS. Online shopping in general, actually.
Nights out with your ‘party’ friends; you’re not ready to be around anyone who isn’t in a position to be extremely tender and considerate with your heart – especially when booze or narcotics are involved.
On that note, avoid booking a party-holiday with your ex’s housemates to try and spite / keep tabs on him. The plane will end up nearly crashing, you’ll find yourself walking home on your own most nights to stop yourself from fucking someone nearly a decade younger than you, and your ex will tell his friends that you’re two thirds of the way down bunny-boiler lane.
Tormenting yourself with what you did wrong and scouring the relationship for signs it was doomed from the outset. Then tormenting yourself again for having not seen what must have seemed so obvious to everyone else. In time, you’ll be ready to explore both of your parts in all of this. But that day is not today.
Asking your mother what she really thought of him.
Looking at old photos, cards or gifts from him. Put these well out of sight and reach until you know they won’t have the power to convince you that this has been a terrible mistake and he must still love you/ want you back (even though there’s not one iota of evidence that he does – or that you’re on his mind at all). Take him off the pedestal, sweetheart. Pop yourself up there instead.
Speaking to people about the relationship/ break-up who you don’t fully trust or feel safe with; they’ll offer you shit platitudes and you’ll want to stamp on their foot. Whilst wearing crampons.
The hairdressers. Give it another three months. Trust me on this one.
Telling your friends to take pictures of you looking heartbreak-skinny, and then demanding they post the snaps on their social media so that he can see how FIT and FINE you are (because you’ve blocked him to try and minimise the temptation for bunny-boiling behaviour. See point two).
Hermitting. You’ll need many duvet mornings, afternoons and evenings over the coming weeks, but you’ll also need sunshine, fresh air and a reason to wash.
Projecting your pain and grief on to the people who love you. I know you want to close your heart because it feels like it’s been shattered in to a million irreparable pieces, but remember that love heals the wound it makes. And you need all the healing tonic you can get right now, my love.
If you’re going through a break-up right now – or know anyone who is, head over to heart-rehab.com for great resources to support you.
I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU:
What’s the biggest thing that helped you navigate the first month of a break-up?
Please do share below – I know we’ll all find it useful <3