Most mornings start the same in my home.
My boyfriend, who chooses to arise precisely two minutes before he has to be out the door for work, zooms through the flat like a tornado.
As soon as he’s satisfied that testicles, spectacles, wallet & watch are all aboard, he rushes over to the confused little mole that is me and plants three pecks on my unwashed mouth....
I’ve claimed to be in love more times than I care to remember.
For me, no other high can top the feeling of falling in love - it’s completely intoxicating, which is why I think our culture’s so obsessed with new relationships.....
In ‘The Inner Fix’ - the book I wrote with my friend Joey, I rather brazenly shared how I’ve done some pretty unsavoury things in the relationships department over the years.
I cheated on every boyfriend I ever had, I had multiple one night stands, and I hooked up with (and ended up dating) men who were already in relationships, to name but a few.
I don’t like endings.
In fact, I deplore them.
Even if I’m really not getting on with someone, I still want them close at hand, because then I can kid myself that all is well...
Do not be ashamed of how much you want,
You haven’t journeyed through lifetimes
To ‘make do with your lot’;
You came here to expand...
There’s no pleasant way of saying this (Lord knows I’ve tried to find one…)
The other night, I accidentally pulled out my Mirena coil, thinking it was a tampon.
> Insert green vomiting-face emoji here <
*There’s an important reason I’m sharing this ghastly tale with you, though, so I hope you’ll stick around and hear me out....
My closest group of girlfriends are a bunch of fashion-conscious, prosecco-swilling strumpets.
They’re not actual strumpets/ streetwalkers (obviously), but for the last decade or so, I’ve lovingly referred to this group as ‘The Sloos’ – a bastardisation of ‘The Sluts’.
Not one of us has the faintest idea how or why this label came about and stuck...
In October of last year, I restarted therapy.
Although most of the last five years had been dedicated to learning to love and understand myself (and others), I knew there were deeper realms within that had yet to be healed.
An oversharer by nature, I hadn’t anticipated this process being too challenging...
If you want to get a boyfriend, you have to follow your dinosaurs.
Let me explain.
I was at a festival called ‘Wilderness’ in Oxfordshire back in 2015 when I met the love of my life.
Our eyes locked in a secret rave in a wooded valley, as bejewelled acrobatic mermaids did somersaults above our heads and glitter-speckled revellers shimmied and swayed beside us....
Last week, I had my first ever astrology reading with a lovely lady called Lee Lam.
Whilst I never fail to read my horoscope in the Evening Standard when I’m in town, my knowledge and understanding of the zodiac is very amateur, so I was curious to learn more....
Like most of us today, I’m a total Netflix fiend.
I watch shows in the bath, while eating breakfast – sometimes on the toilet, too (sorry for that visual…)
But the term ‘Netflix + chill’ has taken on a whole new meaning for me recently.
Right now, I’m obsessed with Mad Men.
I tried it years ago, but found it too slow; today, it’s the slowness of it that I relish the most.
In an episode I watched yesterday, the philandering sex-pot that is Donald Draper said something that really struck me...
It’s 7.30am on a Saturday morning.
The grey drizzle of London seeps in through the blinds, as if to confirm this strange sense of foreboding that’s been washing through my consciousness for the last few hours, refusing to let me fall back to sleep.
I’m alone in bed – my fella’s away for work and right now, I really feel his absence.
Instinctively, I know that all is not well....
The best is yet to come,
The best is yet to come.
This I know to be true
Once I was brave enough
To step forward and truly meet
I’ve got to confess something to you.
I very nearly didn’t share this ‘thing’, because it’s up there with one of my worst character flaws.
But, then I remembered that if I’m STILL doing this thing (despite working so hard not to), it’s highly likely you are, too – at least, to some degree....
I’ve just returned from an exceptionally indulgent 8 days in Italy.
If you’ve ever been to the home of All-The-Carbs-You-Could-Ever-Dream-Of-And-More you’ll know how much the Italians pride themselves on the top-notch quality of their grub.
Being emotional extroverts with a very high pleasure threshold, my boyfriend and I threw ourselves into the experience with little care for body-related consequences...
It can all change in an instant,
We’re led to believe that
Take years of graft
- And they do
(“She’s an overnight success a decade in the making…)
Last weekend, my boyfriend and I went to a dinosaur theme park.
It was incredible – there were tons of life-size electronically animated dinos dotted around Osterley Park in south-west London - Tyrannosaurus Rex, Triceratops, Velociraptors – you name it.
Ever since I was little, I’ve been completely mesmerized by these creatures....
Once again, I find myself sat at my computer, poised to write something from my heart to yours.
And what comes out is not so much a newsletter, but yet another bloody POEM.
(My muse, it seems, has grown rather fond of the lyrical medium of late – maybe it’s all the daffodils wafting about on manicured lawns and in £1 bunches in my local Tesco Express).....
I can be stubborn.
I don’t like to admit I’m wrong.
In fact, a lot of the time, I’d rather be right than happy.
Can you relate?
Does the idea of sharing your ‘truth’ with someone ever fill you with absolute DREAD?
It does me (and I’ve made a career out of doing so).
Because sharing what’s really on our hearts means we risk rejection.
And no one likes rejection....